15 Tweets From Parents About the Most Preposterous Lies Kids Have Told Them

Who doesn’t want their children to be well-behaved, honest little versions of themselves? But some kids have a special flair for creativity that might result in stretching the truth a bit too far at times. Parenting can be tricky, but moms and dads are impressed by some of the white lies their kids have told. We’ve compiled a list of hilarious excuses and implausible stories parents have shared on Twitter.

"I emailed the teacher but haven't heard back" is the new "my dog ate my homework."

— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) January 19, 2021

I'd like to recognize my son for his groundbreaking work in the field of Retroactive Truths. Yesterday I scolded him for lying about picking up his dirty clothes; this morning after tossing them in the hamper he ran up in my face and yelled, "See?!? I TOLD YOU I put them away!"

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) December 1, 2020

I asked my 4 yo if she’s ever lied to me, and she says, “Only occasionally.” ???

— Meena Harris (@meenaharris) November 2, 2020

My kids, in a last-minute desperate attempt, tried to convince me that the dentist was located in Toys R Us.

— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) May 11, 2015

I get why it’s important for kids to use their imagination but they be lying for no reason.

My 5 yr old randomly told me he played for the Lakers in 1997.

All I said was “you’re getting so tall”and that was his response.???

— Coach P (@CoachPSays) January 31, 2021

My 5-year-old says she didn't do anything bad with the scissors I caught her with last week.

The latest load of laundry says: That was a lie. pic.twitter.com/sEa1AH7SdY

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 29, 2020

My son lying to his little sister so she isn’t sad about a movie ending reminds me this year has brought them so much closer together and also kids will lie about anything

— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) October 22, 2020

When you’re a parent, you develop an acute sense of when your kids are coming down with something.

For example, I can already tell that my son is going to be too sick for school tomorrow but not too sick for us to go fishing together.

— The Hoarse Whisperer (@TheRealHoarse) April 19, 2021

72% of parenting is asking kids how something got broken…and then listening to them lie about it.

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) December 6, 2018

a fun fact about me is that my mother thought i couldn’t talk until i was 4 1/2 even though she was pretty sure i could read

then one day she was tryna eat a snack, and i said “mommy can i have a cookie?” she looked upset so i said “mommy can i have a cookie, please?”

— cyrée jarelle (@cyreejarelle) April 27, 2021

Kid tried to convince me he's allergic to church and can't go.

I'm just jealous I didn't think of it first.

— Momma of Midgard (@MidgardMomma) April 27, 2014

Like an actor phoning it in, only it’s my toddler throwing a half assed tantrum. Her heart’s not really in it, but she’s contractually obligated to have a certain number per day so here we are.

— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) May 28, 2019

My 3 year old tried to convince me that he injured his knee and it needed popcorn.

— dadpression (@Dadpression) December 11, 2017

My daughter has broken two laptops in lockdown. Last night, she claimed her new laptop wouldn’t turn on because ‘the cat puked on it’. I thought she was lying…

…But she had the receipts. Unbelievable. (WARNING, SICK) pic.twitter.com/qUuk0m2k5c

— Katherine Ryan (@Kathbum) April 6, 2021